Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
