it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
