you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
