There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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