Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
