with your own penis?
do herpes really smell.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize