with your own penis?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
