shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
