Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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