True but thats because hes a fetus.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
