From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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