I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just high enough for therapy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
