I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
