you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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