i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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