dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
