Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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