omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
