You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
