i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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