bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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