Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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