I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
