We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
