Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
