I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
