the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
