addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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