New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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