I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So squirting runs in the family.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ladies don't puke and tell
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
