why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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