he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
