Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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