I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
