I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
