he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
bring money and cleavage
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
