The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
