I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
