I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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