I wanna bring you to show and tell
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
