Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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