I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i out mim tonsoeep
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
