why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
