Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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