Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(896): View more from

i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.

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(620): View more from Kansas

It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"

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(804): View more from Virginia

he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni

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