She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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