Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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