Nicole vs. Life
sarcasm needs its own font
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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