she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
BRING THE BAGELS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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