Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize