At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
