I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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