Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize