make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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