How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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