Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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