drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
