I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
