Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
