Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
