why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
