Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
