gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
