i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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