she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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