We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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