Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
