I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
