alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
