Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
