I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
