i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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