I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
