I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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