4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
