Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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