how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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