yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you would pick up someone in the library
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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