I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
