super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
