I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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