Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
