That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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