Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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