My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize