I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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