My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
