The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FUCK WHALES
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
