this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
