Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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