you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
